Writing with a Block and a Handicap

How-Freelance-Writers-Can-Overcome-Writers-BlockRecently, I had decided to undertake a project that involves writing in a genre that’s different than what I’m used to.  For one, the project involves writing from first person, something that I don’t do very much since most of my fiction is done from a third person perspective.  Although, when it comes to building a character, I often have enormous troubles because of how it seems that there are cliches everywhere and I do try my absolute hardest to avoid falling into those traps.

To help out with this, I usually recruit the aid of a long time friend of mine who is not only an accomplished artist but also an expert character builder.  One of the reasons why they are so adept at this is because of how they see the glaring cliches and tropes that are done with characters in various media.  At least, for the most part if you exclude “Game of Thrones”, the Miyazaki movies and Homestuck.  It was during the discussion that I was having trouble trying to figure out certain attributes, interests and qualities to a character for this story that caused enormous frustration on their part.  And I made the observation that it’s probably due to my lack of social interaction that has been hindering me in terms of character building.

The observation made on their part was that I don’t understand people.

After making up from this small falling out, I started to wonder more and more about that.  Is this why I haven’t been published?  That not only are my ideas poor, my language atrocious and my characters flat but I also can’t seem to understand people very well?

So now comes the problem of not only writers block but writers block with a handicap.

And thanks to this parasite of depression that I still fight with for months at a time, I start to wonder if all the work I’ve done in writing all through college and out of it has been nothing more than a waste of time.  That I look back at all I’ve done and have nothing to show for it.  How can one look back on that and not feel so very foolish about it?

And now the question becomes, “What do I do now?”

[Photo source:  http://burningword.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/How-Freelance-Writers-Can-Overcome-Writers-Block.jpg%5D

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When depression strikes

Image source:  http://guardianlv.com/2013/09/can-religion-and-spirituality-cause-depression/

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted and there are reasons for why there are gaps in the posts I make. I do try to keep what goes on in my personal life off of my blog but unfortunately this is unavoidable and it must be put out there.

The truth of the matter is that I suffer from depression. And I don’t mean the “depression” that people like to talk about whenever they’re feeling down, blue, melancholic or anything like this, this is the kind that lasts for days, weeks and even months. And certain aspects in my personal life have managed to compound and exacerbate the problems. As a result my craft in writing suffers because of it.

It’s a case where you try to find the will to do the thing that once gave you such vitality. That you hate going to sleep because there’s so much to do but when depression strikes all the vitality has gone out of you. The will to do anything is lost. And this is the reason why I haven’t been posting very much. Often I would get up and think, “why bother? No one is reading it?” By that point, I reach for the covers and pull them over my head.

I hope all of you, my loyal readers, can understand this and forgive a man fighting such a demon.

And I hope that you go forth into the world and remember this one thing: depression is a disease, not a mood.